Nothing we do truly is without reason or symbolic interthreading, all often originates unwittingly and unencumbered or is just filled in with shimmer later on to make us impudently pretend its undertow was always meant to be recognized as in line with our thoughts of that precise moment and to recall we must relive and refeel, rendering one of the most beautiful spots in our p’tit domaine into one we unintentionally avoid closing in on, because we have lovingly sacrificed it to our Fos, buried there.
No matter the ever-present breeze that rolls in over these hills, the gravity of losing him still hovers above the stones we’ve put on top, not meant to keep him there but to restrain others and initially grant him some rest, certainly not to remind us, for how can we forget?
The Camellia japonica we planted at the time, because ornamenting a tumulus with appropriate beauty is what one does, now has become just that, a mark on a grave, its allurement painfully smothered by everything no longer here. Nevertheless I have become quite attached to the view on this scarred tissue of our backyard, but from a distance, clenched in the only small window in my cat cave, close enough to leave room to breathe, not inviting to visit.
When looking out this morning, a nursery rhyme popped in, first recorded around 1780 with the lyrics ‘One for sorrow, Two for mirth, Three for a funeral, And four for birth’. This verse, or so I read subsequently, apparently finds its origins in superstitions connected with magpies, considered a bird of ill omen in many cultures, knowledge that of course invited me to consult Google some more, who through Wikipedia informed me that the Scroll of the Four Magpies of the Song Dynasty clearly shows a Camellia japonica, as it has appeared in paintings and porcelain in China since the 11th century.
Despite todays rain, all this meant-to-be-undertow made me disregard previous feelings of unease and indeed go outside for a closer inspection, only to stumble on this years first pink bloom. Because nothing we do truly is without reason.