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Let it dissipate cheerfully instead by calling it on its value

The best way to deal with one’s own improprieties is to laugh about them, I know, to liberate yourself instantly from those bean spillers that reveal a side of you rather kept hidden, laugh out loud preferably and if possible share your ignorance with bystanders, if any were present, so to not let this pile up into bitterness or self hate but let it dissipate cheerfully instead by calling it on its value: useless and silly.

To familiarize myself with that virtue has been a long and windy road full of embarrassments and shame and I can’t convincingly declare I’ve arrived, but having the most understanding and patient husband who appreciates mildness and humor over tension has helped enormously.

My anger is infrequent but nevertheless forms a nasty iniquity, however based in reality – I don’t make up stuff – and completely unambiguous, but also elusive and at times unstoppable, like drama exploding. Over the years it has deterred quite a few people that couldn’t reconcile the fierceness and furiousness with my usual pleasantly gentle appearance, a contrast that I have often broken my brain over myself, but have come to accept as part of my nature, perchance not so much a weaving error but a vestige of a survival mechanism that was once essential but has become obsolete.

I in this sense sharply recall many of the fraternal battles back in the days, sometimes quite magnified and violent but at the same time missing any Cain and Abel like intent, and in hindsight I take full responsibility, or half I should say, because my brother surely was wired the same.

This unfortunate internal miscommunication between my sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system, later in life more thoroughly confused and mixed-up due to hormonal deficiencies which has left me even more handicapped when it comes to handling stress properly, has been brought to a head in recent weeks by a puppy that needs to learn all life skills at breakneck speed but doesn’t always find a perfectly balanced parent in me, despite my righteous purposes.

Thank God for Ivory, stepping in with his uncurbed wisdom that when it comes to cohabitating peacefully puppy training books do not suffice.


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