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It dawned on me to better start laughing generously

Some would call it bluff or boast, but “adrift in a world of my own, my need is such, I pretend too much”, these Platters regularly tell me, and Freddy, and Dolly and even Sam Cook, as if I still had to be convinced of a given I learned to live with a long time ago, the word ‘too’ being the only thing left open for discussion because of its negative connotation, but otherwise I wholeheartedly embrace this character trait for the joys it has brought me.

It also doesn’t hurt to perpetuate ignorance and irrationality, but pretending you know more than you actually do, often offers a better starting position, provided you own up as soon as you recognize your superior, admitting your own triviality with generous laughter, conceivably the most principal part of properly conducting oneself.

By pretending to know all about summer’s endings, about the melancholy of this transparent transition into fall and the accessory anxiety of not knowing if you’re ready for what comes next, it was undemanding to light up our wood stove and rapidly ease into winter position, supported by sudden cold and rain, lots of rain, and our cats who, after a summer of mainly celebrating the great wide open, are now casually underlining the cosiness of the fire by curling up to it, do not disturb because the party’s over.

Outside, peeking through in between showers, its festive decoration is still up predominantly, a bit faint without the presence of the sun but abloom nevertheless, but the autumn winds will know what to do to eradicate that phantasm quickly enough, no more time for mind games, no more hope for a warm encore. In Les Pierres catcave, without any outer view when door and window are closed, it’s even simpler to pretend winter’s not coming but already amongst us.

A sudden brightening yesterday lured us outside all the same, with plans to finish next season’s preparations, moving terrace plants inside, cleaning up remnants of the special months we were so magnanimously gifted with. Taking my time for a closer look at the floral splendor that amazingly survived all recent forces of nature, it dawned on me to better start laughing generously. It’s not me, that Great Pretender.

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